The Quilt of Love (Day +12)

Opening the package.

Just another pic after opening it.

Here is the Quilt!!!!

On my hospital bed.

My Mom and her Quilt.

The pictures above are of the quilt that was made for me by members of the HGTV message board. A group of people I mind you who I have never met. They heard of my situation because my mom is a member that posts on the message board. They have been wanting to make me this quilt since they heard about this whole thing. People from around this entire nation have made me a block and then the actual quilt was organized and put together by a couple more people. I have to say since I have heard of this I have been really excited and blown away by this act of kindness. These people have also been so faithful at sending me packages and cards daily while I have been at the hospital and at home. They send me e-mails and posts on my message boards continually. I can never FULLY express my gratitude to this group of people. I have felt truly blessed by God for all they have done for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! I also wanted to mention that we had another little surprise when we opened the package. There was also a quilt made for my mom! That was a surprise because I knew they were making mine, but we didn't know they were making my mom one as well. She felt so blessed and I am thankful to them for doing that. My mom has done so much for me during this time, I am just glad that she received something that just makes her know how much she is appreciated. Thanks HGTV people for that. So I am now using it on my hospital bed and snuggling up with it. I love it so much and am going to treasure it for the rest of my life. It will forever remind me of all the wonderful people who prayed for and cared for me during this hard time in my life. Even those I had never met!

I will also throw in a little update on how my day was today. Like I said in my last post I have my good days and my bad days. You never know which one it is going to be. So what was my day today? I am pleased to report it was a good day. The biggest reason it was a good day was that I got white blood cells today!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!!!! My white blood cell count was 2.4 today, which for those that don't understand it 2,400. In other words, that is great. I am on my way to recovery and on the road towards home. I have also been feeling rather well today. My throat soreness is gone and I have been able to eat without vomiting today. Food doesn't really taste right, but that is probably just because of all the stuff that has been done to me. It takes a toll on all aspects of your body. They said things would start looking better once my white cells came and they were right, again. Now we are just looking for signs of GVHD and watching my body for that. Other good news is that because of me feeling better they are switching my meds back to oral and reducing my pain control device everyday. Soon once they see I am eating enough my nutrition bag will leave as well. Meaning the sooner I can do these things on my own the sooner I can go home. Hopefully soon, I am not sure what they are thinking yet but I am hoping that in a week or so I will be on my way home. Maybe even earlier. I guess one can only pray!

Day +11

It seems like my tree just keeps

getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

I stare at this sign everyday from across my

bed. Things may not be easy but my faith will

make it possible.

Sorry for not updating in a while here. Things have been happening and I have been having my good days and my bad days. More bad days than good days lately. As you know from my previous post things started to happen the day after transplant and I had all these stomach issues and what not. That persisted for 2-3 days and then things started to look up a bit and I started to feel a lot better for like 2 days. Then things started to hit me even harder like a ton of bricks. I developed those sores down in my throat where I could no longer eat or drink. I have continued to be on IV nutrition and fluids to keep my body healthy. Most of my meds are continuing to be given to me in IV because of my inability to swallow. Another thing that has been hard is to keep my nausea under control. I am on every nausea med imaginable, I think right now. Also to help control the pain in my mouth and throat they have put me on a PCA (Patient controlled analgesic). It is on a constant drip of Dilaudid, which is one of the strongest pain meds you could receive and a med even WAY stronger than Morphine is. I also have a little button I can push whenever I feel that I am in need of more. The first couple days where pretty rough everyone trying to figure out the best "plan" regimen to put me on for it. But today I think it was finally figured out and the pain is being controlled quite nicely. The only affects that I get are really itchy skin and feeling really tired. But it seems when one thing gets under control another opens and shows it's ugly face. Though my pain is getting under control and I feel like I can swallow, my stomach is still saying no, no, no!!! I have tried to eat a few things today and every time they have come right back up. So I am finding it just easier to live the day with no food. Thank goodness I get enough nutrition from my trustee IV pole. I have been sleeping most of the day and when I am not sleeping I am just lying there because motion induces my nausea.

My doctors came in and said none of this is to be alarmed about. It just simply happens and we have to go through it. It is phase 1 of the post transplant recovering. This is mostly recovering from the after effects of the chemo and radiation. I am hopefully going to start engrafting this next week and producing some white blood cells (hopefully my donors). Then we go on to phase 2 where we wait and look for signs of GVHD (Graft Verses Host Disease) and deal with the affects of that. They can be anywhere from mild to severe. So I am hoping for the mild side, but I know everyone does. I guess I am going to have to be strong and deal with it either way. So just wanted to update as I have this short time when I am feeling good enough to do this. Thanks for checking the updates. And thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. I love you all!!!

P.S. I am excited for my next entry. When I am feeling up to it I have a wonderful thing to write about a package I received a couple days ago. I am excited! When I am feeling up to writing, that post is going to be next.

Happy First Day of Fall

Today is the first day of Fall! Anyone that knows me well, knows that this is my favorite day of the year. It is the start of the most wonderful season of the year. Some may say that I am a little over obsessive about this time of year, but I just can't help it. Everything about this season just makes me smile and feel all warm inside. I think that if there were a place where it stayed Autumn all year around, I would move there in a heartbeat. Anyone know of such a place? In the meantime I am just hoping to fulfill my dream of going to Vermont for the Fall some year. Actually since my birthday is the first week of October, I always thought that it could be a good birthday present someday since foliage is at it's peak then. I just

know that if I go though I may never want to leave. Who knows maybe life's adventures may take me there someday to live for a while. Now wouldn't my parents love that, even further away than Montana is. (:

I am a little bit sad knowing that my Fall 2008 season is going to be spent indoors avoiding all the little nasties out there in the world. Even so Southern California isn't known best for it's Fall foliage. Palm trees don't change colors I guess. I will just have to purchase many many happy smelling candles to fill my room while I am recovering I guess. Maybe make an apple pie or two, so the house could be filled with a wonderful aroma. Yeah, I think my Dad would appreciate the latter.

As I have been thinking of this time of year and what I would normally be doing I can't help but think of MWSB and the memories that I have there. Being a cook there I would always express my love for this day through my food. My favorite thing to do was to make fall pancakes for breakfast. They would be normal round pancakes but I would dye them with all the fall colors. So it looked like a wonderful array of leaves. I would then either make fall sugar cookie cutouts or fall cupcakes with leaf sprinkles. Believe it or not I
own more fall cookie cutters than Christmas cookie cutters. Last year at the school this day landed on a Sunday. We have this thing where we have our "big meal" for Sunday lunch after church. I remember I made a turkey dinner and apple pies with little fall cutouts in them, just thinking about it makes me happy. Now I am just going to tell of one more of my fond memories that just goes to show how much of a wierdo I am about all of this. At MWSB we have staff meetings every Wednesday afternoon before lunch. They are held at John and Terry's (the director and his wife) home. They had this pumpkin spice candle that I would always want to smell and lite during our staff meetings. The only thing is that it made me laugh and giggle uncontrollably at times because the smell made me so happy. I know what you are thinking, "are you sure there is nothing else in that candle?" I will assure you it was a normal candle, it is just now referred to by many as Lyndsay's "happy candle".

So thanks for bearing with my little blog here about the Fall Season that I love and hold dear to. I know many are probably wondering how I am doing since my last post wasn't such a pleasant one. I am pleased to report that I am feeling better than I was feeling a few days ago. My counts are now down to zero and everything else in my chemistry's looks good. My stomach issue is still there but a lot more bearable. The nausea meds they have me on have been working for the past 2 days and I have been able to get some food down with no vomiting. I still feel far from "normal" but I know that I wont for a while. In the meantime I am watching those plus days go by slowly but surely; today is +4. Now we just have to wait for my white count to start going up, meaning my new cells are engrafting. They say we should expect that sometime between day +14 and day+21.

So Happy First Day of Fall Everyone! Go enjoy it and buy some yummy smelling candles or bake a heavenly apple pie. I will sit here and partake in spirit in my hospital room.

The long hard road begins.... (Day +3)

Things have not been too easy since the transplant. I knew that things would not be easy and I have been going through some tough days since Thursday. All my doctors say that it is to be expected and that you just have to keep looking forward and know that there is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. That you have to go through bad to get to the good. So I am trying to keep that in mind as I am struggling through these hard days. They think that I have mucacitous in my stomach because I have been unable to keep any food or liquid down. I have had really bad nausea and vomiting along with constant stomach pain. I have now been put on IV nutrition and fluids and most of my meds have now been switched to my IV as well. Needless to say I have quite the IV tree now, with more cords than a tree at Christmas. (:
I have been sleeping a lot of the day, some due to my meds and some just because it is easier to go about the day. They say that these things are happening probably because of the high dose chemotherapy and TBI that I received. The effects of them are just now starting to set in. I have to say that TBI better have done it's job because it sure did do a number on me. So there is some of what has been going on. I am going to try to update as much as I can. Hopefully things will start to look up sooner than later. In the meantime I am trying to keep strong and picture myself feeling a lot better in the coming weeks.

Transplant Day!! (Day 0)

Happy 2nd Birthday to me.
The cooler my cells came in.

The nurse checking off the bag before it gets
hung.


My new cells.

It is almost reaching me!

Those pre meds really did make me tierd.

Well today was the day. The day that I received my bone marrow transplant from a man all the way across the world that I have never even met. I was told he is probably from Germany, which is kind of cool to think of the actual country that this man is from. I have been told though that because it is an international donor, I probably will not be able to contact this person for 2 years post transplant instead of a year for those that are domestic. In the meantime I am able to write him letters and thank you cards just as long as I do not mention any specifics and they have to be screened by a board before they are sent. So I am going to be eternally grateful to this person for giving me a second chance at life. I just hope someday I will actually be able to thank this man in person or through a phone conversation.

As for the transplant things went well. I received the infusion of cells at 3:30 pm today. It was very anti-climatic as I was told that it would be. You would think that such a huge thing and something that can change your life would involve more than just a bag of what looks like blood getting infused into you. But that was exactly what it was, a bag of cells that was infused for 1 1/2 hours. I had no reactions to it and slept through a lot of the transfusion due to the pre meds that I received. Now it is just the waiting game. Waiting to see how my body is going to respond to these new cells that they do not recognize as their own. Hopefully I will handle the whole thing well and be in the hospital for as little time as possible. I guess only the days will tell.

Thank you to everyone for their love and prayers that have been sent my way. I have defiantly felt blessed by all the support of everyone all over this world. It has been amazing to me! The cards and notes have been very encouraging and the prayers mean more than you could ever know. I know I am going to get through this and just know that every person who I know and those that I have never even met have played a huge role in my recovery and the support that I am needing to get through this. God is going to remain faithful, this I know!

Day -1

The past couple days have continued to be a little rough. I am assuming that the radiation is the culprit of the days being somewhat rough. Along with not getting very much sleep throughout the night I have had to continue to get up at 4:30 am to get ready for my radiation appointments in the morning. I am very happy though because I just have one more session this afternoon at 4:30 pm. I can't wait until it is all over! I think the radiation has been a little harder on me than the chemo has been. I have just been so tired and just feel like sleeping all the time. So I usually have been just getting back from my appointments in the morning and sleeping throughout most of the afternoon.

Along with the tiredness I have continued to have some nausea. I have been fortunate enough to not be actually vomiting though. Usually when I feel real nauseated I just try to go to sleep or ask for some meds before it gets too bad. So far so good and I haven't experienced the joy the actual vomiting yet. I have not been able to eat for the past few days though. My doctor says that I really need to try to get something in my stomach, even if it is a carnation instant breakfast or something like that. He wants me to have some good nutrition in me, but I am having a hard time stomaching the thought of eating anything right now. My appetite has simply left me. So I am hoping that with radiation done today and hopefully be getting better nights sleep the days to follow will be better. Tomorrow is the day and I can't believe it is actually here. I know that the road ahead is not going to be easy but I am hoping for the best and the level of GVHD that I get is mild and not severe from the transplant. I guess we will just have to wait and see. In the meantime I am overjoyed because tomorrow could be the start of a new life!

Radiation is kicking my butt a little (Day -3)

Last night they weighed me because who doesn't like getting weighed every eight hours. They have to make sure that I am not retaining all the fluids they are giving me and the chemo is flushing out of me properly. Well I was over my base weight so they had to put me on lasiks. Something they inject in my IV to make me go to the bathroom a lot more to get all the fluid out. So about every 5 minutes for several hours I was in that bathroom. Needless to say I didn't get a super great nights sleep. But that wasn't the end of it, they also woke me up at like 4:30 am to pre-medicate me and get me ready to go to my radiation appointment. Since it was my first appointment they had to do a bit more to get things ready and in the meantime I had to lie still with my arms locked together above my head for about an hour and a half. I was on the verge of tears towards the end just wanting to let my arms down. They say it gets easier each time, so I am headed for my next appointment any time now, so hopefully that is true.

When I returned from my appointment this morning I was really tired and felt a bit nauseated. They nurse came in and gave me some Ativan to help with my nausea and that medication also puts you to sleep. So I pretty much have been sleeping the entire day. I feel like maybe the combination of the chemo and radiation is starting to wipe me out. Hopefully things will get a little better in the next couple days of radiation. In the meantime I guess I have plenty of time to rest, so I am defiantly taking advantage of that right now.